Konfusion with a K
by itslivinginallofus
Summary: I've spent 20 minutes trying to come up with a summary. I'm just THAT bad at them, haha, sorry guys! This follows Adam as he tries to navigate high school and aches for a "normal" life with friends, sports... girls? FionaAdam, AdamFiona
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything pertaining to Degrassi.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, I've been watching Degrassi forever and am so thrilled they're implementing a trans character, and such a likeable one at that! Bear with me, as I'm watching Degrassi in the states and have only seen a few Adam-sodes (You Don't Know My Name Pt. 2 is airing tonight), so I'm still getting his character down! Please read and review as you feel compelled, I feel especially strong about doing this storyline justice! Rated T for language and content for now, more to come soon! **

He's still not sure how this all happened, or why, but if Fiona doesn't show up soon, Adam is going to fucking kick himself for being at the brunt of another prank he should have seen coming.

Since starting his sophomore year at Degrassi, Adam had found himself in one of two positions on a daily basis: at best, invisible. At worst, bully fodder. Some ups had included the Dead Hand Reunion Show, finding friends in Eli, Sav, and Clare, and watching that asshole Fitz be – at least temporarily – put in his place. Still, he couldn't help but crave a life more similar to those of his peers: one with weekends surrounded by friends at the skate park, working a crowd of fans from behind his bass, and ideally, having a girlfriend to sit with at lunch and text after school, or whatever all the other guys did with their girlfriends. He had never gone on so much as a date and what he knew about relationships could be written on the grip tape of his board.

Which is why when Fiona Coyne walked to the back of their science lab and asked baggy-jeaned, sweatshirt-clad Adam to work on an optionally group project with her out of everyone in class, he kind of forgot how to talk for a second. Fiona was easily one of the top 5 eligible bachelorettes in school with her model-esque looks and style, money to support her every whim, and brains to back it all up. In a word, she was classy, and as far as Adam was concerned, the only class he had was whatever was on his schedule.

So now he sits, continuing to glance at Fiona's now-smudged phone number that she had impeccably written on the back of his hand the day before, to reassure himself that this is actually real. He knows, however, that until Fiona shows up, he's definitely not out of the woods. He tries to distract himself from a nagging fear that she may have come to her senses, or that the rumors about her were true and he was just the subject of one of her quick-fleeting whims.

Right as his bottomless pit of fears is about to pull him down for good, Adam's saving grace appears in the form of a 5-foot-7 sun kissed skin brunette whose wavy locks frame her face as if she were a carefully-staged photograph in moving, human form. Starting at a pointed, heeled toe, Fiona's legs appear to go on for miles, and Adam quickly glances up her top half to eliminate feeling even more nervous – and short. Past her well-fitted short-sleeved cardigan with a cinched waist, Adam finally makes eye contact with the captivating beauty and with a soft grin and tilt upward of the head, Fiona walks toward him, hips accentuating her rhythmic strut.

"Hey," he says a little too eagerly with a goofy smile and squeak to his voice that completely obliterate the keeping it cool mentality he had internally vowed to maintain. He clears his throat and tries again. "How's it goin'?"

"I'm in need of a caffeine fiximmédiatement," Fiona replies, propping up on the barstool next to Adam, "I got a late start this morning. Be flattered that I sacrificed my daily espresso to be here on time."

Catching a glimpse of Fiona's flirtatious smile, Adam feels a weight in his stomach that somehow seems more good than bad. _That was flirtatious, right?_ he wonders before hearing an instant replay of Eli's pre-date (or… pre-date?) pep talk in his head.

"_Come on, dude, pull yourself together. A girl will almost never tell you straight up that she's into you, which means, A. you need to keep an eye out for flirting signs, and B. you need to man up and let her know you like her, just not in so many words_," Eli had said like it was he who single-handedly penned The Book of Love. Adam figured his best friend must have noticed the daunted and near-nauseous look on his face because he rolled his eyes and elaborated. _"Okay, she can at least stand the sight of you since she asked you to work with her, but playful teasing, lots of smiling, hair fixing, those are definite signs of flirting. Touching for no reason – BIG one. If she laughs at your lame-ass jokes – ask her to marry you!" _After pausing for the laugh he knew would come, Eli left Adam with, _"Just relax, man, you'll be fine."_

Adam recalls thinking how it was easy for his brother from another mother to say all of that. After all, it was clear that Eli had some brooding yet witty charm thing going on that had him at the receiving end of various starry-eyed female gazes, making Adam feel invisible in comparison. As much as Eli was his bud, he envied him all the same.

Hearing Fiona order some fancy drink he couldn't even pronounce snaps Adam back to reality and he decides it's time to take the second part of Eli's advice to heart – man up. He quickly reaches into his wallet and pulls out the six dollars he has leftover from his own coffee and pushes Fiona's hand, which is holding her credit card, aside, hoping that the surge of heat that rushed to his fingertips hasn't also consumed his cheeks in a blush.

"I got it," he offers, quietly congratulating himself for being so smooth. It's kind of funny when he thinks about it, since Fiona likely has a self-generating money tree in her backyard and he literally just pulled out his bottom dollar. Now he's just hoping it pays off.

Things are looking good when Fiona genuinely thanks him, and as Adam waits for the cashier to give him his change, he figures he should keep the flirting up while he's doing well. "You're welcome, even though your idea of 'on time' is pretty comical. We were supposed to meet, oh, 20 minutes ago?" he jests with faux annoyance.

In likewise fashion, Fiona feigns insulted shock with just enough of a curved up mouth to let on that she's kidding before letting out a mock scoff. "Easy for you to say! Contrary to popular thought, girls don't wake up looking perfectly put together. It takes time. We can't just throw on a hat and go," she says with a grin, running the brim of Adam's sideways hat through her fingers and then letting her hand pass over his shoulder on the way back down.

Smiling, playful teasing, _and _unnecessary touching: three of Eli's flirtation criteria all in one fell swoop! Adam wishes he could be excited, but instead, he feels nauseous. In what should have been a harmless joke, he's reminded of how little Fiona knows, and probably will ever know about him, and it dampers any shred of confidence he has going. He breaks eye contact, slumps forward, and rummages through his backpack, all but mumbling, "K, let's get started."

Fiona is as perceptive as she is book smart and her brow furrows in confusion. "I'm sorry, I didn't offend you, did I?" she asks, and Adam wants so badly to look into her sympathetic eyes and tell her the truth. Knowing he can't, however, he lies by saying that he's fine and just really wants to get the project over with.

_It's no use_, he reminds himself, dismissing the foolish notion of a normal life he had entertained earlier. He reinforces to himself that he isn't just some normal guy, and thinks once more of all the things Fiona would never know about him; that the name on his birth certificate was not the name he went by. That it took him 2 hours, minimum, to get ready in the morning, and it was not in fact as simple as throwing on a hat, jeans, and sweatshirt. That despite all his efforts, prayers, wishes, and the way he presented himself at school, Adam Torres was biologically female.

Yeah. Any life resembling normal didn't stand a chance.


	2. Chapter 2

**[LENGTHY] AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter is going to be mainly past tense/back story. That being said, please understand that my use of the female pronouns when referring to Gracie is intentional. References to Gracie versus Adam are much of other people's perceptions, or Adam's self-perception as Gracie before he came to terms with being trans.**

**Also, I had this written yesterday and was holding off on finishing/publishing until I saw "My Body is a Cage Part 1" to see if it gave me any insight into Adam's family life as written, but I decided regardless to go with my initial ideas, so even though they may differ from the show, well… I take that creative liberty! ^_^ (i.e. the Mrs. Torres we see on the show, in this story, is Adam's stepmother, not biological mother) Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing so far, I hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think! More to come soon!**

The scalding hot day on which Gracie Torres was born was one of joy, relief, and surprise for her parents, Scott and Lara. The relief and joy were to be expected, but the surprise came considering the fact that Lara had delivered a girl in contrast to her staunch insistence that she was carrying a boy during her pregnancy.

She and her husband had agreed to be surprised and opt out of their baby's gender being revealed during sonograms, however, Lara had shared with many people many times that some inexplicable feeling compelled her to practically know that the baby would be male. Still, the couple's choice to make gender-neutral color choices proved to be wise when 6 pound, 8 ounce Gracie came wailing into the world.

While Scott was virtually unaffected by the incorrect prediction, Lara was secretly thrilled. Her childhood dreams had always included having a daughter of her own to share with and guide, perhaps as an homage to the strong bond she had with her own mother growing up. It wasn't long until Lara realized that Gracie's upbringing and the life she herself once knew would be radically different paths.

From as early as infancy, Gracie seemed to exhibit unusual aversions to typically feminine things. Her affinity for the color blue and toy cars was slightly noted, but began to stand out more when factoring in her likewise detachment from dolls and dresses. When presented with a doll, Gracie would near-violently toss it away, and when put in a dress, her upset crying could rival the uproar of an entire nursery full of babies.

As she got a few years older, her male-leaning interests became behaviors when she began mimicking Scott on hot days by walking around the house – or sometimes the beach – shirtless. The moment Lara really began to worry was when she walked by the bathroom and saw 4-year-old Gracie attempting to urinate standing up, much like a boy would do. Per her insistence, she and Scott took Gracie to a child psychologist, who assured the couple that these "quirky behaviors" would likely desist when Gracie entered kindergarten, where she'd be able to socially interact with and observe her peers.

Much to Scott and Lara's dismay, kindergarten only seemed to raise more abnormalities in what was supposed to be "typical female behavior." Gracie hadn't attended two full weeks before her teacher was summoning her parents for a conference, and although they feared the worst, it was worse than they thought. Ms. Hansen started by saying that every day during dress up, when all the other girls were twirling in their princess dresses, teasing their flowing wigs, and walking tall in their plastic heels, Gracie always made a beeline for the boys' costumes, often pushing her male classmates aside to ensure she got a hat to tuck her hair under and a tie to wear around her neck (a fashion statement most men don't master until their twenties). Dress up wasn't the only time Gracie congregated with her male peers, but also at recess and lunch, always the only girl in the pack of rowdy, robot-touting boys.

There was one instance where Gracie had interacted with the other girls, which was the main reason Ms. Hansen called the conference. Instead of playing _with_ them, Gracie was racing around the playground trying to kiss them. Granted, it wasn't her initial idea, but instead that of Timmy, her right-hand man and class troublemaker. He started a pee-wee huddle at the boys' lunch table, which she of course sat at, and launched a plan for the boys to kiss as many girls as possible at recess. All the boys, and Gracie, took this to heart, and while they all got spoken to about it, she was the only one whose parents got called for a conference.

"Please don't get me wrong," Ms. Hansen begins delicately, "Gracie is exceptionally bright and sweet. I'm just concerned that she may be a little… confused. It's almost like she thinks she's a boy."

As true of an observation as Ms. Hansen may have made, it was the sentence that Scott and Lara had both been dreading and struggling to come to terms with. Neither were sure what this meant, in words, but they knew it would mean a harder life for their daughter should it persist. It was time to make matters into their own hands.

Scott was certainly willing to try and curb Gracie's behavior, but almost from the start, he allowed himself to expect and accept whatever would happen. Lara, on the other hand, went into a mixture of denial and control mode almost instantly, maintaining a strong vow that her daughter would have a "normal" life.

When the reports from Ms. Hansen showed no change, Lara pulled Gracie out of public school and taught her at home, setting up after-lesson play dates with other girls Gracie's age. Just like she ignored how her daughter would only look on, withdrawn and out of place at the other girls playing, she also looked past the piles of unopened Christmas and birthday Barbies, tea sets, and ponies that Gracie never showed any interest in. She pretended she didn't see the gleam in the little girl's eye whenever they'd pass the boys' section at a clothing store, and even limited the amount of time Gracie spent with Scott, claiming the time spent with her father contributed to the confusion.

By the time Gracie had turned 7, a toll had been taken on Scott and Lara, both individually and as a couple, and it didn't take a great philosopher to see it was hurting their daughter, too. But the first day of winter was a day that brought an unforgettable coldness to both the bodies and hearts of the Torres residence when Lara reached her breaking point. After denying numerous requests by Gracie to get her hair cut, Lara found a trail of choppy clumps of what was once thick, auburn banana curls leading to Gracie's room, where she had given herself a grossly uneven mushroom cut. As drastic and quickly as a switch being flipped, Lara's resolve finally crumbled as the fallen hair seemed to represent a greater picture of finality and loss in her fruitless quest to "fix" her unbroken child.

As good of a father as Scott was, his human nature was too consumed with the sudden deterioration of his marriage after years of trying to make it work to reassure Gracie that her mother leaving was not her fault, and now in addition to the confusion she was feeling, the surmounting guilt made it no easier.

As bad as things initially looked, Scott met a dynamic woman named Audra less than a year later, although she practically had to twist Scott's arm 3 months into the relationship to introduce her to his daughter, especially since she had a son Gracie's age. The young father didn't quite know how to explain what it was that made Gracie – _special – _even to himself, and as much as no woman would ever come between he and his child, he was worried that with how well things had been going, Audra would go down the same route as Lara and hit the road when she realized that she wasn't dealing with a necessarily ordinary girl.

When he finally did concede and invited Audra and her son Andrew over for dinner, they were both pleasantly surprised at how their two children fell into place as if they had always been in each other's lives. Scott particularly was almost overcome with emotion at seeing a happiness in Gracie finally finding a friend that he had yet to see in her 7 years of life. When a few weeks had passed and Audra had said nothing but positive things about Adam, Scott thought he had hit the lottery – until Audra pulled him aside with a near heart-stopping, "We need to talk. About Gracie."

Scott was certain the talk to come wasn't going to be pretty, and it didn't kick off to a great start. "So, Drew told me that when he was talking to Gracie about how she would be his sister if you and I got married, she quickly corrected him and said she would be his brother."

With near-tears and barely enough breaths to separate his sentences, Scott told Audra everything about the past 7 years, including his marriage to Lara and what they had collectively been through. From every detail from Gracie's bathroom behavior, interaction with boys and girls her age, down to the fateful haircut, he was waiting for the reaction he had been receiving from his ex-wife for years.

Instead, with a deep breath, Audra relented, "Well, why don't we let Gracie just be who she – or he – is. She'll tell us over time."

Almost as if on cue, Gracie and Drew came running in, each with a GI Joe in hand, and Scott and Audra looked down at the pair laughing. To try and test the waters, Scott asked, "Are you boys having fun?" The unparalleled light in Gracie's eyes spoke volumes above anything the child could have put into words, and there was a non-verbal understanding from that point on that Adam was born that night.

Now 15, those early days still felt close at hand despite many better years in between for Adam, especially in situations like transferring to Degrassi where he felt like that misguided 5 year old all over again. Only halfway through his teen years and he already had more history than many adults twice his age, and while his dad's marriage to Audra proved that sometimes things do go right, he knew that the battle was ultimately his to fight.

After leaving The Dot, he spends his last dollar leftover from the coffee on transit for the ride home, not having the energy to walk. He doesn't greet either of his parents as he walks through the kitchen, trudges up the stairs, and collapses on his bed. Within seconds, Drew barges into his room without knocking and launches himself onto the foot of the bed.

"God, I know you're not the genius of the family, but learn to knock!" Adam snaps, running his fingers through sandy, slicked hair under his loosely-fitting hat in frustration.

"Whoa, relax, bro! I wanna know how things went with Fiona! Have a good study date?" he smirks suggestively.

"Grow up, Drew, it wasn't even like that," he hears himself retort once more, coming off a lot more angry than he wants to.

The taller of the two raises his eyebrows and gives Adam a once-over. "Yeah, okay, even though you borrowed your favorite shirt of mine without asking and are wearing the new jeans Mom just bought you. That has nothing to do with you having a huge crush on Fiona."

Adam sighs heavily, knowing if he doesn't start telling the truth this painful conversation will never end. "So, what if I did? It's pointless, don't even pretend like it's not."

Yet still there's no way Drew is letting him off the hook that easy, and Adam knows it. He also knows he kind of deserves it with all the unfounded girl advice he's given his stepbrother over the years. "Look, take your own advice. There are girls and then there are girls worth fighting for. I was scared to go for it with Ali, remember? But you told me to get over it, and now things are going great."

Exhaling once more and trying to release his anger, yet still be realistic, Adam sits up. "Yeah, but I'm not you, Drew. I can't just have a girlfriend and let her get to know me without having to lie constantly, or risk her finding out and freaking."

The truth of the situation isn't lost on Drew, and he pauses to think of a helpful suggestion. "Why don't you go for one of the girls in the LGBT club? That's a safer bet, right?"

"Maybe, but even so, the 'T' is kind of invisible, whether anyone wants to admit it or not. Most people don't even really know what it means. Besides, there's like 10 people in the group, it kind of narrows my chances of finding someone I actually like," he sulks.

"So, what are you gonna do? Become a monk?" Drew asks sarcastically.

Adam decides that now's a better time than ever to share an idea he's been mulling over for the past few weeks. "Or… I could try what you did with Marisol: find a cute, semi-appealing girl, keep it casual, get some street cred, and that way if it doesn't work out, I won't be crushed."

Drew rolls his eyes. "Uh, yeah, 'cause we know how well it worked out for me."

The anger and frustration threatening to resurface, Adam tries to solidify his point and end the conversation that seems to be going nowhere fast. "Yeah, but you had the option to move on to the girl you wanted. Me? Not so much, and at this point, something is better than nothing."

Heading for the door, shaking his head, Drew finishes with, "Whatever, dude. Just be careful."

Throwing himself backward onto the bed once more, Adam pays one last glance to the quickly-fading phone number on his hand, his heart beating a little faster just examining Fiona's written name.

"Pathetic," he mumbles to himself about himself and moves to his laptop to view the Degrassi network page on Facerange. As he scans the various female pictures and profiles to get any ideas, his mouse lingers for a second over a girl who had caught his eye before, in passing anyway. Sure, she personality left a lot to be desired and she had the ambition of a prison convict, but he could have sworn she was flirting with him the one time they hang out, and she was pretty easy on the eyes. After all, what else could he ask for? Or… what else could he actually get?

A soft smile plays on his lips and it's decided; as of Monday, the pursuit of Bianca DeSousa was on.


	3. Chapter 3

**SPOILER ALERT: If you have not seen My Body is a Cage Pt 1, then this will basically give it all away. If you're all caught up, you should be fine.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This takes place during/after My Body is a Cage Pt 1. So far in this story, it's like nothing in Part 2 happened, haha. Oh, creative liberties. You guys have been so amazing with the reviews and from the bottom of my heart, it means the absolute world to me. It's definitely been motivating me to keep this alive and well amidst a 40-hour work week and I'm really glad you guys are getting something out of it. Without further ado, enjoy! Please keep reviewing and keep posted for more soon!**

The few people who knew Adam well would tell you that he is and always has been a huge film fan, almost obsessively. His favorite genre above all was of the horror variety, so much so that the majority of his allowance over the years went to catching every freaky thriller in theaters, including the ones deemed by critics as unforgivably lame.

Whether it was a classic or a clunker, there was something about the structure of a horror movie that Adam was intrigued by. The transformation of a once-normal world into something more terrifying. The twists and turns and plot surprises. The unlikely or supernatural nightmare-inducing villains all with variables that differed from movie-to-movie. The one commonality that he loved, though, was how in most horror movies, the haunting, escalating sounds of eerie violins and intensifying horns would consume the dark theater, signifying that something bad was brewing. The way his palms would sweat in anticipation as he prepared himself for what was to come was an exhilarating kind of fear that he reveled and relished in.

Unfortunately for Adam, real life wasn't nearly as kind to provide him with instrumental cues to predict and brace him for danger.

He has no way of knowing when he approaches Bianca's locker, dazzling blue eyes scanning deep brown ones for any trace of interest, that under a minute later, everything will self-destruct, possibly beyond repair. She affectionately touches his chest and instantly, any trace of interest turns to anger and disgust.

He runs, telling himself if he can just get away, he can concoct some bullshit medical problem that will at least shut her up. But once again, he has no warning that Bianca is faster and more ruthless than he thinks before she grabs hold of him and savagely tears his shirt open. He vaguely makes out the words "girl" and "freak" over the sound of his hammering heart and really, those are the only words he needs to hear to know that his biological sex been revealed, not only to Bianca, but the others who have seemed to gather around their confrontation.

As he runs away, no crashing chords or booming bass drums to signal him that Fitz, the worst person who could have ever fucking found out, has been following him in between every class, waiting to strike with that meathead Owen in tow. When he hears Fitz asking if he missed the sign on the door as he heads into the bathroom, he curses himself for not holding it, although he did try to the point of damn near pissing himself in his last class.

Once again, he only makes out muddled bits and pieces of what he knows is hostile hatred, never resenting the words "guys" and "chick" more than at that moment; such explicitly-defined and confined socially heavy words that in his head were so much more abstract.

He wants to tell them to go to hell when Owen oh-so-eloquently tells him to "whip it out," so he does just that, and hopes to break past them just fast enough to run into the hallway and be surrounded by witnesses, but realizes how witnesses don't mean much to Fitz and Owen as he's hoisted over Owen's shoulder, carried out of the bathroom, and thrown mercilessly into a glass door. Adam doesn't need to turn around to know that the door – and likely something in his shoulder – shattered, and instead of being grateful to whoever tries to come to his aid, he angrily pushes their hand away. He had already been strong-armed by a girl and tossed like a rag doll by those grunting apes; it was time to prove that he didn't need anyone's god damn help.

Now, Adam sits, knees drawn close to his chest on the Degrassi inside steps. Normally, he'd take the bus after school, but today, he doesn't dare and decides to wait for Drew's after school practice to be over. He feels like laughing when he remembers how he actually thought today would be a good one. He was feeling nervous, yet certain, in his decision to introduce his grandmother to Adam, and got at least a little bit of practice coming out as trans to Eli and Clare. His two closest friends now knew who he really was and were incredibly supportive, and with luck on his side, he aimed to be the envy of the lesser dudes who had tried and failed to pursue Bianca since her coming to Degrassi by going about it all wrong. Now, the irony of it all is disgusting.

There was no wondering whether or not word had spread, because all day, eyes that had never roamed his way were all over him in the halls, judging, gaping, some even threatening. If only they would all consider that contrary to society's insistence, gender was not always black and white, everyone's lives would be a little easier, not just his. No standards of macho jocks and pretty cheerleaders to live up to or exclude those who didn't fit within those confines. No unwritten rules that silently, yet definitively, governed what was and was not normal for guys and girls. But Adam knows that his "if only" thoughts are merely fantasy, and only in such a world would everyone know, understand, and accept that he was who he was always supposed to be, and there was nothing wrong with him.

Every time the sound of heels meeting linoleum echoes his way, his body stiffens, petrified that Bianca will cross his path, likely not alone. He's never been easily rattled, having developed a thick skin practically from birth, but he knows himself enough to know that he's nearly reached his breaking point for the day, and that even the slightest blow at this point could send him over the edge.

He leans forward slightly, pulling the brim of his hat down and lowering his head so he can just barely see a sliver of the ground in front of him. The footsteps draw closer and he sees finely-rounded tips of shoes pointing at the bottom step that his feet are likewise resting on. He tilts the brim of his hat sideways, pushing his shaggy hair out of his eyes to see who knows to be Fiona before he even meets her unreadable gaze that looks down upon him.

Adam prepares himself for what will probably be a lecture of how he flirted with and lied to her and should never talk to her again, like two of the girls at his old school had done, even though the extent of their relationship had been working on a class project together. Even though he knew he hadn't lied to Fiona, he was definitely guilty of flirting with her.

Before he can tell her to spare him the grief, she reaches out her hand and speaks casually and matter of factly. "Wanna go get drunk?"

Adam's not sure whether his heart or stomach flutters harder, but he's too lost in a flurry of confusion-laced relief to really care. No lecture, no mention of what she obviously knew to be true at this point, no looks of anger or pity. Just an offer to blow off the world for awhile with the cutest girl in school.

He tentatively accepts Fiona's hand with his good arm, looking around before letting her help him to his feet. "Yeah," he exhales, "Sounds good."

**Thank you again SO MUCH to all of you who have read and reviewed so far! More to come soon, I promise! XOXO**


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